Top Ten Ways We Know You're Not a Regular

Some people go to the same coffee shop every time. They may even order the same thing. The barista knows at 7:15am to begin the arduous process of a pour over to have ready in time for Ted to grab it when he stops in at 7:30am on his way into work. Or there's a certain table that Lila sits at every day from 9-11 and when she comes in the baristas notice she cut her hair. Or Matt just comes to this shop down the street from his house so often the shop follows him on Instagram and knows he was out of town making his new record. They ask how things are going when he comes in. 

It's one of the things we love about coffee shop culture—it can become community. 

However, there are plenty of people who are not regulars. They either go to a different coffee shop every time, or they just don't go often enough to have the barista on their Christmas card list. That's okay. But we can tell. 

Here are the top ten ways we know you're not a regular:

10. You order a "medium" coffee at Starbucks or a "grande" at Crema. (Or you order a peppermint mocha or a gingerbread latte or any flavored drink at Crema.)

9. You study the menu for any amount of time. 

8. Your laptop is dying and you can't find a plug. 

7. You don't know where to put your dishes when you're done. 

6. It's rush hour at Frothy Monkey and you didn't know you had to get there at 7am in order to find a table, so now you're awkwardly standing in everyone's way while you wait on someone to finish their novel. 

5. You bring a Dell laptop. (Do you even live in Nashville?)

4. You go to Fido or Bongo Java during finals week. (And you aren't a student.)

3. You ask what the machines are for. 

2. You have to ask for the wifi password.

1. You ask for "just regular coffee…do you have that?"

Are you a regular at a coffee shop? What do you notice about the non-regulars? 

Posted on March 4, 2015 .