[This will be like one of those choose-your-own-adventure novels except this time you're choosing your own intro line based on your feelings about Valentine's Day.]
For those who feel heart-eyes emoji about Valentine's Day: You guys, Valentine's Day is almost here, and you know what that means -- makin' it rain cards and chocolate. Whoo!
For those who feel gun plus x-eyes emoji about Valentine's Day: UGH. Valentine's Day, right? More like Singles Awareness Day.
Well, no matter how you feel about it, it's coming, and though Galentine's Day is all well and good, we know some of you are probably on the prowl for a date. And because we here at Coffee Shoppers pride ourselves on providing valuable services to society, we took the liberty of coming up with some coffee-related pickup lines to help you close in on a "yes!" Or at least a "eh, fine, I've caught up on Veep anyway."
"How do you spell your name?" ::misspells it on cup:: "And what's your number?"
"Girl you're making me a high-maintenance Starbucks customer because you're extra hot and I like it."
"You dropped your name tag" ::points to sugar packet:: Ed. Note: Classic.
"How 'bout we move this conversation to the couch...as soon as that small group is done with their popcorn prayer?"
“I see you asked for two percent milk. Is that because you think you’re fat? Because you’re not. You could totally drink whole if you wanted to.” Ed. note: this is a Napoleon Dynamite reference, but try to tell us it doesn't hold up.
"Are you gonna eat that?” Ed. Note: short and sweet, works 30% of the time. If you follow it with a conversational topic. Probably.
"I'd travel as far as a dude wearing suspenders drives his VW bus around to find an independent coffee shop in the 'burbs to get to you."
"That latte art is nothing compared to the masterpiece sitting in front of me."
::simply writes number with latte art:: Ed. Note: for experienced baristas only. Do not try this at home.
"Girl I've been waiting for you like a vegan for a pour-over during peak freelance hours."
"I've got an open outlet by my table if you---." Ed. Note: that's all you'll need to say.
"Is anyone sitting in the seat next to you at this community table?"
::Points to cup:: "Caution: You're hot."
Are you a pick-up line person? What's the best you've heard? The worst? The most coffee-shop appropriate?