If Nashville Coffee Shops Were Bachelor Contestants

(And We Were The Bachelor)


The Coffee Shoppers are avid viewers of The Bachelor and The Bachelorette. There. We said it. #noshame

It’s our favorite thing to hate-watch (and live-tweet if you’re into that sort of thing). The drama. The ridiculous premise. The hometown dates. We love/hate it all.

Since The Bachelor started back this week, it got us thinking…which coffee shops would we give roses to? Who would still be around to meet our families? 

Well, we spent at least ten painstaking minutes pondering our options, and here is what we think:

First Impression Rose: Barista Parlor. Whenever we have friends in town, and they want a quintessential Nashville experience, we tell them to visit BP. It’s stylish, it’s enticing and, well, it makes an impression. BP might not be the one you’d marry, but she’s definitely one you won’t forget after her limo intro.

Hometown Date Roses: These are shops you want to hang around a while — get to know better. See if they’re lifetime material. Red Bicycle is exotic and adventurous — maybe she speaks another language or reads a lot. The Post East is calm, cool and collected. Laid back but confident. Crema is career-driven, close to her family, and lives in the city. Bongo Java writes songs (quality yet to be determined) and wants to pursue a career in music if the whole Bachelor thing goes well. Her parents are kind of hippies. You’ve got to see which lifestyle matches up with yours.

Group Date Rose: Cafe Coco snags a group date rose for sure. She’s a little wild, but charming, and stands out among the crowd. You’re not sure what to make of her, so you’ve gotta keep her around another week to figure it out.

Meet-the-family Roses: [In this scenario we are assuming you don’t have to choose from the hometown dates. Just go with it.] Shops you can take home to mom. Fido is well liked by people of all walks of life — hipsters, students, and well…moms. It’s cozy and cool without being too flashy or confusing. Fido feels like home. Another option? Frothy Monkey. If it’s good enough for Taylor Swift and Jake Gyllenhaal, it’s good enough for your family.

Proposal rose: You have to spend the rest of your life going to this shop and none other. It has to be equal parts quality coffee, friendly people, not too loud and not too quiet. Good snacks are also a plus. For this we choose Ugly Mugs. [Probably a metaphor in there somewhere about choosing a forever-shop with the name ‘ugly’ in the title — something about turning into a swan? We digress.] It’s got couches and tables. Great coffee and friendly baristas. A corner for kiddos and the best Mexican hot chocolate this side of anywhere. If you’re going to have to choose, Ugly Mugs would be worth tying the knot.

What shop would you pick for your lifetime shop, if you had to choose? Which ones would you kick off first or give a first impression rose? Let us know in the comments.

Posted on January 8, 2015 .