Hi there. We’re the Coffee Shoppers. You’ve probably read our blog due to its sweeping popularity and our high klout score. Oh, you haven’t? Okay. Moving on.
We’d still like to address you as concerned citizens.
Through our various networks and fans, we have been made aware of something. We have learned of your use of what is, against all odds, becoming a Real Thing that People Pay Money For — a selfie stick. And the place you used it? A coffee shop.
That makes this our business. (because we judge coffee shop culture. it's in our tagline.)
Take it from people who understand getting weird looks in coffee shops for hesitantly taking photos of everything and trying to make it look casual. There is a time and a place. And a method.
And it is not “anytime” “in a coffee shop” “with a selfie stick.”
First of all, you’re making everyone uncomfortable. Selfie sticks in general make people uncomfortable, but especially when the table next to you might be having a DTR or talking about their innermost fears or working out song writing contracts. Or praying, for goodness’ sake. It happens. This is Nashville.
Second of all, there are cups of hot beverages scattered throughout the establishment and you’re waving a giant telescopic pole around like a tourist at the Statue of Liberty, with no regard to the safety of others around you. That’s just irresponsible.
Third of all, look at yourself. Just take a good, hard look at this photo:
Are you proud to be the person in this photo? If this was the photo they pulled from the Internet if you ever (Heaven forbid) were kidnapped or lost at sea, would you be okay with that? We’re willing to bet ‘no.’
Fourth of all, is it worth it? We understand that this provides you a great angle for angsty/daydream-sipping-a-perfect-latte instagrams. We get it. But it's going to be nearly impossible to set that up in a way that fools the hipsters into thinking that's a candid photo of you that your BFF took because she's a photographer and you're her muse, no matter what quote/poem you begin your instablog with in the caption. Filter it all you want, but the hipsters will know. They'll know and they'll judge. (The difference between our judgment and theirs? We'll tell you about it. They'll just unfollow.)
So please, next time you think, ‘selfie stick,’ also think, ‘am I in a coffee shop?’ if the answer is ‘yes,’ please reconsider. We're just trying to help.
The Coffee Shoppers
HT to Jonathan Howe for sending us this pic.