It's 100 degrees outside with 1000% humidity and you want us to believe it's fall enough to drink liquid pumpkin*?
We're supposed to believe it's already time to put on our Frye boots and our black leggings as pants? We're sweating enough as it is without willingly wearing lycra.
I mean, really. Do you expect us to take pictures of our PSLs alongside our hotdog legs at the pool, Starbucks? We need to be able to Instagram cute wool headbands we got on etsy with matching fingerless gloves and scarves with our PSL cups! Don't you know how this works? You're just taunting us. "it's september and should be fall but it's NOT lol sucks to be you." That's what your PSL decal on the front door says to us.
Really, Starbucks? Are you really ok with an additional month of white-girls-and-fall jokes? Because we aren't. (And really, Twitter? You can't think of anything more original than making fun of white girls buying PSLs? Really?)
And do you think maybe it's possible that people will get tired of the PSLs due to overexposure? You had this thing going where they were like McRibs or Girl Scout Cookies, and we'd pay for one each week because, well, they were only around for FALL and we'd have to wait all the way until NEXT fall and we LOVE fall and we LOVE pumpkin things and we can't risk not drinking as many as possible during the short time they're in stores because we wait for this moment ALL YEAR. Is this a successful long-term marketing strategy?
Really, Starbucks? You're acting like you're Beyoncé and secretly releasing an album with no warning in the hopes that people will be all, "OMG PSL BRB TTYL" on Twitter and you'll finally be cool again. Really? You're Starbucks. You're The Man of coffee shops. Don't act like you're this hip institution that knows what the kids want. You're more like a mom who took something your kids kind of liked and ran it into the ground. "OMG PSL right? SO COOL let's do it all year round and use hashtags and insta-whosit and tweet-book."
Just cool it with the PSLs, Starbucks, is all we're saying.** Really.
Are you excited or exasperated by the PSL's early appearance? (Here, it was already out in August.)
*The pumpkin spice latte does not contain any pumpkin.
**One of us may or may not have already partaken in a PSL ... so, like, don't get rid of them altogether, okay?