Friday is the day we celebrate our independence, our freedom, and our barbecue. We eat, we swim, we play with fire. We instagram all of it and hashtag 'merica because, well, it's our birthday and we do what we want. We forget all about that "sport" where you can only use your feet (we didn't want to win that stupid game anyway) and turn our sights to baseball and horseshoes and small bags filled with corn.
Just because most of our beverages will come from a cooler doesn't mean we abstain from partaking in our caffeinated rituals.
But alas, patriots, what should one drink to celebrate the birth of The Greatest Nation in the World?
Tea, which we threw in the ocean to protest the Tyrant King George and the country we now celebrate independence from? Or coffee, most likely grown in countries that are decidedly not The US of A? Should we order a "Grande Americano" as if we don't even speak English LIKE AN AMERICAN?
It is a dilemma, you understand. But never fear, we've come up with some all-American drinks for coffee shops to serve on Independence Day. You're welcome, baristas.
Redneck Roast - Moonshine in coffee. (Ratios negotiable) For the guy in the mullet, who cut off the sleeves of his American flag button-up...which he has not buttoned up.
Rocket Pop - A layer of blueberry frappe, then a layer of vanilla bean, then a layer of strawberries and cream. For the kids. Of all ages. Add a wooden coffee stirrer for extra Pinterest.
LiberTea - English breakfast tea, but we should warn you, the tax is outrageous. You're morally obligated to dump it into the nearest body of water in protest before taking a sip. On principle. For the people who post about politics on Facebook.
Frosted Fireworks - Straight espresso on ice, topped with a light layer of red and blue Pop Rocks. For the risk-taker, the guy who yells "WHOO, BOY!"
I'M AN AMERICAN-o. - Not to be confused with the "Americano," this is good 'ol, regular drip coffee. Nothing fancy -- this is like kind they have at diners. For the no-nonsense family member who is always talking about when America used to be awesome. And Reese Witherspoon.
Watermelon Green Tea - Refreshing, and somewhat healthy. There are seeds sprinkled in, though, just for fun. For the person who "doesn't eat hotdogs."
Declaration of Independence - Made from beans grown in the U.S. of A. (Hawaii, probably, but it counts) and roasted on-site, this brew is not reliant on any other nation to be a quality cup of joe. For the twenty-something guy in your family who keeps putting Arcade Fire on the stereo and won't go out in the sun.
Lake Water - Lukewarm sun tea. For the outdoorsy type. Alligators and inner tube burns not included.
Grilled Brew - Dark roast beans, slightly burnt, lend flavor to this latte. There are also notes of lighter fluid, along with a whisper of beer. The full flavor could almost be described as "meaty." The drink is served in a ceramic red solo cup and lit on fire as it's given to the customer. For the King of the Grill, obviously.
The Betsy Roast - Pour-over coffee, just like they made in the olden days. Probably. For your grandmother. Or your 21-year-old cousin who swears she was born in the wrong century.
Star-Spangled Banner - A latte with carefully constructed stars in the foam art. For the veteran. Recitation of the Pledge of Allegiance required before drinking.
Which of our artfully crafted concoctions would you totally order? (Humor us.) Do you have any other ideas for 4th of July inspired drinks?
Happy Independence Day, everyone!