Reasons Moms Need Coffee

Moms Need Coffee

Happy Mother's Day! In honor of moms everywhere and their upcoming holiday, we thought we'd take some time to talk about all the many reasons moms need coffee to get through the day. Seeing as neither of us have any offspring, we bothered asked politely some of our favorite Twitter pals who are also moms to share with us why they need coffee. And let us tell you, they have some good reasons. Without further ado, we present to you: Reasons Moms Need Coffee. At least these moms.

Katherine Grass StainsKatherine (Grass Stains, @grass_stains) I need to be fully caffeinated at all times. AT ALL TIMES! (Say that in Billy Eichner’s voice for the correct effect.) Why, you ask?

Because I never know when:

  1. I’m going to get a call from our daycare director telling me that our 2-year-old is being suspended.
  2. I’m going to have to clean pee AND baby powder out of our newly decorated baby nursery’s carpet.
  3. I’m going to have to spend hours and hours on end chatting with Apple Support trying to get a refund on $650 of in-app purchases made on the sly by our 5-year-old.
  4. And finally, I never know when I might have to stop, drop and roll after a grenade drops on me in my own house. (I only JUST became aware of this reason that I Must Be Caffeinated Even On Sunday Afternoons last weekend.)

What? None of these things have ever happened to you? You don’t say.

Jan (Tough Bananas, @moyermama)jan moyer coffee

  1. 2:12AM blankie adjustment beckoning. And a 2:45AM blankie adjustment beckoning. Followed by a 3:22AM pajama pant leg emergency. Wait, I think it might be morning, I’ll just give a shout-out to Mommy and check. No? How about now? Now? JUST LET ME GET THIS DAY STARTED.
  2. Plausibility. It’s more believable to tell your kids you are just going to “watch” them play Toilet Tag when you have a hot beverage in your hand. They are much more likely to call you out as a slacker if you’re just sitting on the steps reading a magazine. You guys go ahead, I’ll join in when I’m done my coffee. It’s a really big mug, so I might be a while.
  3. No matter how tired I might be, I refuse to go to bed early because 8-11PM is MY TIME and I will not waste it by going to sleep. It’s possible I’ve skipped brushing my teeth or changing from my yoga pants into pajamas due to fatigue, but I always make it to 11PM. Commitment, guys, it takes commitment.

I might not always need coffee, but it makes me happy. No, I need it. I really do. And it makes me happy, even if it’s cheap.

Rachel (Grasping for Objectivity, @objectivityrach)Rachel Callahan

  1. Because you never, ever, EVER get to go to the bathroom alone. Like, ever. The children - they have alarms implanted into their skull and they will be in there, no matter how many locks you implemented, within two seconds.
  2. Because every car ride begins, middles, and ends with "Can we listen to Frozen?" "How about now?" "Why haven't you started it yet?" "No you started it on the wrong song."
  3. Because this: "I bet you'll never find my brother's toothbrush!" [Five minutes later, after coming running upon hearing screams,] "WHY do you have your brother's toothbrush hidden in your BUTTCRACK?!" "I don't know but it made it hurt a lot more when I fell."


Why do you need coffee, moms? (If you're not a mom -- when in your life do you need coffee the most?)

Happy Mothers' Day from Coffee Shoppers!

Posted on May 7, 2014 and filed under coffee, Misc.