If Nashville Coffee Shops Were Real People

nashville coffee

nashville coffee Today's guest post comes from Nicole Jeannette--Nashvillian, one of Laura's oldest friends, and a fellow blogger at Maybe I'm Amazed (faith, hope, love and storytelling). Follow her on twitter here: @maybeimamazed

Check out Part II to this post here.

Do you ever find yourself overwhelmed by the sheer amount of coffee shops in Nashville?

Do you often find yourself thinking about trying a new shop in town, but you’re not exactly eager to spend six bucks on a drink if you're not going to like it?

I hear ya. I used to struggle with the same thing. So, to help you out I have personified a few of the local shops in order to help you overcome the struggle between options.

Bongo Java is a perpetually angsty eighteen year old who can usually be found wearing a beanie, an Occupy Wall Street bracelet and still has a flip phone for matters of principle. He's the kind of person who attends a wedding reception and starts debating the existence of God. His sense of humor ranges from all-things-inappropriate to dry, sardonic comments about politics and local arts. He has lots of friends, but doesn't love strangers and prefers not to turn on the air conditioning for environmental reasons. Bongo Java may be a chain smoker and we may not really be sure when he last took a shower, but his pet husky is adorable and he makes oatmeal so great you can forgive his pissy attitude... Most of the time.

Frothy Monkey is that super cute girl who is trendy, yet still accessible. Even though she still wears tights/leggings as pants, she keeps her butt covered so you can't be too upset with her. She loves lounging on the patio and makes really great salsa. She is obsessed with all things bananas and recently turned 21 so she is seldom without a beer in hand, unless, of course, the mood strikes her for a banana latte or four dollar mug of tea. She would drink any of these with her chicken and waffles which she really, really wants you to try because she tweets about it all of the time.

Barista Parlor has pretty impressive muscle tone for a hipster and, surprisingly, pulls off his leather vest over his white T-shirt pretty well. He thinks anything on a vinyl record is art and he is very particular about his routines. You can probably find him reading Derrida or some poet he doesn't totally get, but really wants to. When he gets old and loses his hair he will buy a hog and ride around the country collecting shot glasses to commemorate his favorite stops along the way. His parents are rich, but he does his best to mix his ostentatious status symbols with as many items from Goodwill as possible. You may have tried to hate him, but you have to admit he has his stuff together to the point that you can't help but like him.

Crema is a twenty-something girl who didn’t discover passion in life until she drank her first sip of coffee. She’s all about the body art, as long as it is at least somewhat meaningful, and she dreams of living in an isolated log cabin made of reclaimed wood somewhere in the mountains, but one that still has wifi. She doesn’t “do” animals, but if she did she’d have a cat named Mr. Snaps and she is saving up for a moped, preferably something yellow. If you don’t know as much about coffee as she does, she can be really intimidating, but if you just let her suggest something, you’ll be happy you met her.



Starbucks is at times uncomfortably cold, but there is still something so oddly comforting about her that you keep giving her another (and then yet another) second chance. She's incredibly professional, well put together, and is always up on the latest mainstream-friendly music and apps. She's all about her job and you can never quite tell if she is serious when she says she cares about workers' rights and childhood hunger, or if she's just trying to make you like her. Regardless, you look forward to her famous pumpkin spice and gingerbread lattes all year round.

Ugly Mugs is the kid of guy who bikes to work and spends all of his free time in his garage. That's right--he has a garage. He may be on the young side to own a house, but he lives in East Nashville so he can afford it. He loves live acoustic music, friends, and his community. If he had a dog it would a golden retriever, but he has allergies so he has a parakeet instead. He loves irony and you can never tell if his jokes are mean or actually funny, but you give him the benefit of the doubt because he is quiet and friendly the rest of the time. When someone asks you why you like him, you never really know what to say other than he's just really cool and you want to be around him.

The Well is the kind of girl that you're afraid of because you are really worried she will judge you for not being a Christian or not being a good enough Christian. However, you'll be pleasantly surprised to find that this isn't true. She loves chocolate more than anyone else in town and after you spend an hour hearing about her last mission trip in Africa, you'll seriously consider going yourself. She rarely matches, but she makes it work. She also always had a few books in her purse to recommend (spoiler alert: most are Christian books) and she is the kind of person that has a tabby cat and a black lab at home, respectively named Solomon and Ruth.

Fido is a Bongo Java who grew up to be a foodie and has advanced his tastes in art. As a dog lover, he is constantly trying to find some homeless doggie a forever home and it is so endearing that you can somehow find it in your heart to forgive him for forbidding use of the internet in his house during certain times of the day. He is slick, clean and his favorite TV shows include The Wonder Years, Cheers, FRIENDS, and other yesteryear classics. He's got his act together and whether you share some wine and french fries or lattes and wedding cake, he's always a good time.

Which coffee shop would you be most likely to hang out with?

UPDATE: Want to know what Cafe Coco or Red Bicycle would be like? Check out part II here.