Rejected Halloween-Inspired Beverages


halloween Tomorrow is Halloween, you guys. And when you're hauling around small children in cumbersome costumes door-to-door or hanging out at a bonfire or on your way to a cool party that starts AFTER nine p.m. on a weeknight because you're a crazy person, you need a beverage to keep you warm (and awake).

Pumpkin spice lattes are so cliché. We really wanted to come up with some unique choices for your Halloween coffee this year, so for the last few months we've been slaving over different flavor combinations to perfect just the right beverage that would reflect the spirit of the holiday. Sadly, Starbucks rejected all of our brilliant submissions with mean words like "never" and "psychotic" and "stop mailing us samples."

So rather than let our good ideas go to waste, we thought we'd share them someone who would actually appreciate our genius (aka: you).

[Drumroll please] Here are our rejected Halloween-inspired beverage ideas (feel free to marvel):

1. Candy Corn. A coffee so sweet it almost tastes like wax.

2. "Fun-size" Snickers. This is a 2oz. coffee beverage. It's a caramel latte, in a cup coated with chocolate sauce, and peanuts thrown in.

3. Tootsie Roll. The mocha version of our "Candy Corn" beverage.

4. Those Hard Candies No One Likes. This coffee is for those of you who like to read choose-your-own-adventure novels. Marked by a mysterious flavor you won't quite be able to place, this coffee's taste will get old after about three sips and you'll throw it away or give it to your grandmother.

5. Raisins. We know what you're thinking: WHY hasn't anyone thought of this before? We feel this has been a real missed opportunity in the coffee market. Sweetened with all-natural extract of dried grape. Mmm.

6. Peanut Butter Candy in the Orange and Black Wrappers that Old People Hand Out. (Why is this candy only around during Halloween?) A peanut butter latte, sprinkled with tiny pieces of black and orange wax paper. Y'know...festive.

7. Popcorn Ball. A buttery, caramel latte that leaves your hands sticky for the entire evening.

8. Blow Pops. Cherry or Grape flavored frappuccino, with a hint of Bubble Gum flavored whipped cream.

9. UNICEF Donations. In lieu of your coffee, we donated $5 to UNICEF. You're welcome.

10. "Maybe There's a Razor Blade" Tea. This black tea offers metallic flavors that combine with notes of rust to make a delicious and dangerous drink high in caffeine. If you are the type of person who lit stuff on fire when you were younger "just to see what happens," this drink is for you.

11. "Bobbing for Apples" Cider. Our apple cider is made from upcycled water all the neighborhood kids stuck their heads into, in an attempt to retrieve an apple. Flu shot recommended.

12. Trunk or Treat Brew. Using only local ingredients, Barista Steve brews this coffee in the trunk of his '98 Honda Civic in our tiny back parking lot. A cup is free, along with an evangelistic tract.

Which one would you try? We know it's a hard decision. What Halloween drink ideas would you pitch?

Posted on October 30, 2013 and filed under coffee, Misc, tea.